Today I’ve probably been thinking to much about things that you have no control over what-so-ever and it’s really gotten me down. I know I bitch a lot about everything and anything, like petty things such as my internet being slowed down because I’ve downloaded to many TV shows, or about the fact that work is driving me crazy because certain things happen. But all of that stuff is really small and unimportant.
I mean for one, I should be glad that I’ve got a job in a year where so many are loosing theres and so many more are struggling in vein to find any job that will put enough food on the table for their family, even save their home. I’m lucky to be in a position that I’m fairly certain will be there for the foreseeable future that gives me enough money to do what I want when I want.
I didn’t start writing this blog with the intention to go on about that above. It was more about just me pondering stuff that I should just get over.
Today I got woken up by a phone call, It was my uncle asking if my mum had left for work yet. She had so he hung up, in the background I remember hearing a bit of noise, more than usual when talking to my uncle or Nan, I hoped everything was okay but thought nothing more of it as I went back to bed, only for under 30 minutes later my mum and aunt have turned up, mum is getting changed because they have to go to Burnie with my Nan having been taken to hospital.
It’s not the first time that’s happened, about 10 or 12 years ago now she had a stroke and lost all feeling / control over the left side of her body, she had also fallen over and cracked her skull. I remember when that happened because I was at school and had no idea what was going on when my mum and dad came to pick me and my brother up. I would have been about 8 or 10 at the time.
A year or two after that my pop got cancer which I remember was a hard time for my family because he looked after Nan. But now he needed looking after as well. My uncle took up that job basically. In under a year he died from the cancer, lung cancer because he smoked like a damn chimney. It was weird because he had gone home, there was nothing they could do but make him comfortable, and he wanted to be home to die. When he did, we had all been out of the room at the time; I can’t remember why we were. But everyone was waiting in the kitchen knowing, apart from the aids from the hospital.
When we were let in to go see him, I couldn’t really understand what had happened; I think like most children I just thought he was asleep on the couch. Anyway, fast forward after all of that back story and back to the blog.
I had been thinking for most of the day how I can hardly remember what he was like. I remember a few moments, like when he was on the ladder cleaning the side of the house and my brother turned the hose on him, he almost fell off, and how his face was always unshaven. Getting hugs from him and there would always be the course hair on his face. It’s the same with my Nan (not the unshaven thing) but what she was like before she had her stroke. She was always so active and alert, always cooking something. She hardly ever sat still when we were around.
What really annoys me about it all is that me and my brother are probably the only ones that can really remember what pop and Nan were like. My other cousins would have been to young to remember Nan any differently, or remember pop not being sick. My youngest cousin was under a year old when pop died, there is a photo at my Nan’s place with him and Pop, both of them bald, Linden because he hadn’t grown any hair yet and Pop because of the Cancer treatment.
Now my family is having to think of putting Nan into a nursing home because she has gotten worse, she’s getting more vague, only just remembering some of her children and I just think its unfair that none of my other cousins really had a chance to know her or Pop as they were and it just seems wrong.
I know everyone goes through similar things and that it’s a part of life and all that crap. But what really annoys me is that I get so frustrated and pissed off about so many small and trivial things when I’m pretty lucky that I’ve got most of the things that I have and that only one of my relatives have died.
I don’t know and I hope this blog entry rant thing isn’t to long or annoying for anyone.
-Daniel
Why would it be too long or annoying? Its your damn blog so go on aslong as you need it to. Its just weird to see you go on like I usually do on msn haha ((Biiggg American Hugs))
I can’t believe this blog slipped past me (head in the clouds, obviously) I didn’t find it long or annoying (thinks guiltily of own blog).
I shall say this: that the small, inconsequent things are a part of life. and getting annoyed, and whining occasionally, in a small way, are also a part of life. Embrace them for what they are, and don’t feel bad – if you never went over your limit you wouldn’t appreciate the full-speed net! (and complaining is just a part of that process)